Dating and Lymphedema

  • The dating environment has changed dramatically from mom and dad “recommending” your mate to picking him/her out of a line up (you know the web).  I was one that said I would shy away from the web, but in actuality have had better success on it than meeting someone in a public area.  I’ve always thought that the reason why I hadn’t met anyone was ME.  You know, the lie – when people see me, they see lymphedema – the “damaged” me -, thus not wanting to even get involved.  And I was consumed with this lie for a good portion of my life.  A good portion!!!

     

    Dating online seems to put you out there and show people EXACTLY what you want them to see, but there is still that “safe zone”.  And in the same breathe, the showing EXACTLY what you want people to see can also be a farse.  Like a person can make themselves up to who they wish they could/would be or think people expect them to be. 

     

    An aside - Oh my word, I went out on a date that never happened.  When I met the person, he was not what I envisioned, but then I had to think to myself, did I actually dream him up or make him out to what I wanted him to be?  Are you following me?  Many lessons with that one because I went home!! Oh yes I did.  I was young and didn’t really understand how to appreciate people. 

     

    And let’s get real, you want to date someone you are attracted to!

     

    Aside over - I also learned that I didn’t allow myself to meet people because of past hurts.  I carried them like my ipod – everywhere I went. 

     

    I had to realize not every man you may meet is the one.  Guys, this goes for you too, not every woman out there is your queen.  There will be the:

     

    NOT’s (Oh I know about the not’s)

    ALMOST THERE’s

    SO HAPPY WE’RE FRIEND’s

    AND IF WE HAD MET IN ANOTHER LIFE TIME

     

    But, all of my experiences have shaped me and I would love to share who I am with the ONE and grow to a ONE with someone else. (Don’t mind me if I get churchy, please.)  But you can’t give all of who you are to people, especially those that don’t deserve you – the bible calls it throwing your pearls to pigs.  It’s a no no.

     

    After a very busy time of my life with my grandma’s passing, taking care of a home, job changes, moving and the everyday tasks of life – dating seems like a good idea.  I’m 35 years old, stable, educated, good job…..and attractive!  And yes, I have lymphedema throughout my body, this is a fact.  But it’s what I have not who I am.

     

    So I was talking to someone last night and he said that he chose to jump online because, the people in his circle seemingly were the “same type” of people and online dating provided change.  Sounds like I have to agree with him!

     

    Earlier this year, I joined a dating website for a school project (FOR REAL, I did).  Let me know if you want to read that story!  Guess what, I hit it off with what I thought was the one.  NO FOR REAL.  He was type perfect.  (Oooo – I don’t have that designation up there.)  Anyway, we had a misunderstanding and he didn’t call back.  I was devastated.  REALLY.  See when you haven’t dated for a long time, you can fall hard for the first one.  I did.  Didn’t even let me tell him that I had pulled my profile in order to focus on what we could possibly have.  And I didn’t put it back up until this month.

     

    See there will be hurts and those misunderstandings.  It’s life.  But there is something that he said that I will not forget.  He said that he knew when to jump ship because he didn’t want his heart hurt again.  I totally respect that and do respect him.  Yet, what I failed to mention to him is that when you open your heart to love, you open it to hurt – it’s inevitable.  Yet, you won’t know unless you try….

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